so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
