I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
