we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
