Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
