do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
