The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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