it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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