I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
