she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
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