I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
