If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
