I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
