I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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