so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
