drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
