I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
