You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
