is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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