Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
