I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
