where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
