She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
