Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
