What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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