I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
