The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
