If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
