I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
