i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
