Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
