Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
