Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
