sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
