you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
