You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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