How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
