I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I'm really busy with my period
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