i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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