I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
