Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
