Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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