but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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