Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
