I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Randomize
