Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
