I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
