my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
