Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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