after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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