True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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