Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
