Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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