What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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